I once worked with a man called David.
David was relatively slight, quiet in his manner, but intellectually extremely capable. He was gifted at joining dots and seeing patterns. In his own mind he could build a strong argument and defend it well. If one listened with enough patience, eventually he would get to the explanation you were looking for.
But this was the problem - people often didn’t have the patience.
His speech didn’t flow easily. He sometimes seemed to chew his words slightly, almost as though he were trying to get them out before others lost interest. Under pressure he would lose himself quite quickly. The quality of his thinking was far greater than his ability to communicate it.
At the time, all of this was summarised in a small box on a development form labelled:
“Developing Confidence.”
I knew what his manager was pointing to, but back then I didn’t yet have the language I do now.
Yes, David needed greater confidence. He needed to recognise and embody the expertise he already carried rather than constantly second-guessing it. He needed to become more skilful at engaging others in ways that suited the audience rather than remaining inside his own thinking. He probably had a fierce inner critic running constantly in the background, censoring him.
I look back now and can see that he needed more than confidence. That might have been part of it, but what he was missing was Executive Presence.
Years ago I think we might simply have called this charisma. A thorny term, a slightly elusive quality that some people appear to naturally possess. But I’ve come to think of it as something much deeper than charisma.
Executive Presence, (distinct from ‘presence’) is a particular way of being in the world that inspires, engages and influences from steadiness and ground. It has a regulating effect on others.
People feel it.
Leaders with executive presence tend to have an internal steadiness enabling them to remain calm under pressure. They communicate clearly and concisely. They adapt instinctively to the audience in front of them. Their non-verbal cues create trust rather than tension. They don’t perform, they connect from a genuine place. They do not dominate the room, but nor do they disappear inside it.
David did not need to become a polished, charismatic executive but he did need to stop losing himself under pressure. Especially so if he was going to achieve the promotion he wanted.
When someone cannot hold their ground internally, others often begin to question the very expertise that is already there. Conversations become harder work than they need to be. Analysis gets tested repeatedly. Decisions become less trusted.
Confidence, in this sense, is not simply feeling better about yourself.
It is the capacity to stay connected to yourself, to be able to know and honour yourself, warts and all, to hold all of that whilst having the space for healthy relationships with others.
And I suspect many highly capable people are carrying this struggle far more quietly than we realise.
